Jokes
Bob's Memory
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it BETTER BE THERE."
The next morning Bob got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box, gift wrapped, in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back into the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Funeral services for Bob have been scheduled for next Tuesday.
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult but don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered the question! Remember, everything is relevant!
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?"
Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend, except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.
STRANGE ENGLISH IN FOREIGN LANDS
Cocktail Lounge, Norway
"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR"
Doctor's Office, Rome
"SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES"
Dry Cleaners, Bangkok
"DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS"
In a Nairobi Restaurant
"CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER"
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi
"TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."
On a poster at Kencom
"ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP."
In a City Restaurant
"OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS."
In a Cemetery
"PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES."
Tokyo Hotel's Rules and Regulations
"GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED."
On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant
"OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR."
In a Tokyo Bar
"SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS."
Hotel, Yugoslavia
"THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
Hotel, Japan
"YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery
"YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest
"IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE."
Hotel, Zurich
"BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE."
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"
In a Swiss Mountain Inn
"SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM."
Airline Ticket Office, Copenhagen
"WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS."
A laundry in Rome
"LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME."
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